In Sp’98, good things happen and
bad things happen. AUC appoints a new president, who declares that AUC
should remain forever a liberal arts, non profit, and research enhancing
institution, hence the tuition increases. Construction gets more faster
in the new campuses in Falaki, and New Cairo. The Board of Trustees declares
bankruptcy, thus the tuition increases.
A good professor leaves AUC,
a bad professor gets a tenure, and AUC decides to give up using part-time
faculty because they are cheap, thus the tuition increases. The University
declares a five year plan to end the GPA inflation and grade negotiation,
thus the tuition increases. Tough graders increase, and easy graders decrease,
more professor give up using the Curve system thus the tuition increases.
AUC keeps on suffering from
its non-ending problem: the cats. The new president forms a committee consists
of three professors and a student representative, AUC cafeteria representative,
and Cats’ representative to discuss that problem. The committee ends its
mission with a recommendation that AUC should build a Hostel for the cats
in the new campus, in addition to a cafeteria with at least 15 different
types of fish sandwiches. A new club called CFC (Cats Friendship Club)
is established. The club starts actively by collecting donations and making
booths. The motto of the campaign calls for the establishment of an Intensive
care unit in Qasr Al-Aini hospital.
The University senate
approves 4 proposal, and rejects 400 proposal. A new tuition policy will
be applied retroactively that all the students have to pay the same tuition.
students get mad, and riots start, then the administration declares that
any student who refuses to pay will be put under Financial probation.
Then another tabloid publishes
an article about AUC. The University and the SU decide to sue the newspaper,
however they got struck with the question of: who will pay?. Then
the president says:" This is a tabloid. We will not ask them to write an
apology in order not to increase their circulation. Our lawyers will take
the whole case. " Finally, AUC decides to avoid the case.
A new elections happens for
the SJB and the SU president. The new SJB freezes three clubs in its first
week to prove that it is better than the previous SJB. One of these clubs
invented a way to collect money for drug addicts by organizing a
party in a Ghorza (place for drug-addicts to meet and smoke). One of the
students who attended the party crashes with car, whose driver was under
the effect of a high dose of Marijuana.
The AUC gets more foreign
students after overcoming the side effects of Luxor’s massacre, however
this does not appeal to the US embassy, which send another Email to all
the Email users warning them that Egypt has became Algeria II. Two American
students return back to the states, and three are considering this. The
Dean of Students organizes a seminar for the American students, where the
Director of Safety gives a lecture about how to wear the gas mask in seven
seconds, and the procedures that should be followed in the times of
raids. AUC decides to increase the amount of insurance on students, thus
the tuition increases.
More AUCians die. Every Caravan
issues carries a photo for an AUCian who dies in a car accident.
The admissions level decreases
and more rich dumb students join AUC. AUC gets more crammed with
students, thus the tuition increases. The Platform gets more crowded with
the students, thus every stair in AUC will be categorized as platformated
Finally, the problem of AUC
identity remains unsolved. The students continue wondering whether what
they learn suits their culture and traditions or not. They think whether
they represent the Egyptian Eastern conservative paradigm, or the American
Western liberal paradigm. The problem is even deeper because it is more
concerned with the logic that the student could use to judge any situation.
As a result, a CS student develops a logic software that can help solve
this problem, whenever it happens. And Allah only knows what will really
happen. But one thing remains certain: the tuition increases.
Published in the Student Union newsletter "Take off" (not your clothes!!).