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My Wife: Opinions

    Since the time I posted this page, I received lots of opinions (especially from girls) about  the "nonsense" I wrote. From my care that this page is not expressing for a subjectie opinion, I will express here the feedback from some friends.
    The point I would like to highlight that most of the girls thought about it as an insulting page. Mona was mad twice for the page!
The aim of the page was not really to search for a wife (this is silly!). I just wanted to paste a smile on everybody's face. :)

Al Mohandes
Mona Amer:

Subject: the wife page...
Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1998 23:35:21 GMT

salamu 3aleikum...

i really really agree with the comments wrote about the wife page:
i just wish you guys didn't remind me because it makes my blood boil
every time i just think about it... what a terrible stuck-up unfair
insensitive unrealistic machoistic page.; i know it's meant to be funny
but it ensd up being annoying..

.. ya allah, whatever happened to men praying "God please bless me with
the wife who is perfect for me (NOT perfect according to mey standards)?

and ya moataz, yuo definitely need to get married to someone who isa
has a lot of soacial intellignce and can get along with people socially
very well.. and i'm sorry, but there's no G.P.A. measurement for
social intelligence..

anyway, rabbinah yekrimna jamee3an with wonderful wives and husbands
and let's jut pray tht we will be able to handle our responsibilities
well and spread our religion and raise excellent kids...

... peace.



Before that, Also Mona Amer wrote:

i can't believe the pt. about yr future wife. it's funny, and it made me laugh,but at the same time i was not happy.
 

first of all, you are too young to be thinking of this now.

second, by the time you graduate you will have matured and your idea of who you
want for a wife will definitely have changed.

it's dangerous and unhealthy for an individual to have set criteria in his mind
for his wife which may lead you to make the wrong choice in the future, or to
never get married at all.

furthermore, your criteria sound exactly as though you were describing yourself!
the more a person matures, the more he finds that his life partner should
compliment and not equal himself, and that differences and variety are an asset.
one of the main reasons for adultry and divorce is that the two people have the
same personality including educational background, interests, jobs, and
history... this more often than not leads to either competition that is
devastating to the relationship or else one of the partners must give up his/her
person for the other. it is just not a good idea. people in this position also
complain of boredom.

also, it seems from these pages that you value several things: religion,
academic success, and being no.1. while religion is obviously important, the
other two are not.

about academic success, having a 4.0 or 3.8 does not in any way reflect on the
goodness of a person, nor his knowledge.

i know someone who graduated with a 4.0 (economics) and she does not know a
thing about what she studied, and she also is a failure socially. and this
description repeats itself over and over.

it is known from research that those with high gpa's tend to be immature or
inadequate socially, and are unsatisfied personally. this is why there are so
many universities in the United states that have banned the point grading system
and use general evaluations on their students. also, this is why most american
schools make sure that the highest and smartest students see a psychologist
regularly so they do not end up having problems socially.

furthermore, it is also known that some of the most creative and brilliant
thinkers do not achieve well in academics. A brief look at the well known
scientists and philosophers (Einstein even) finds them full of school drop-outs,
rejects, etc.

when you score high in school and university it shows that you know how to study
or take exams or analyse what the professor wants or manage time or cheat.. but
it DOES NOT show that you are creative, responsible, independant, socially
intelligent, mature, or genious-minded.

about being no. 1, it is not important at all when you think about it. first of
all, no. 1 in student unions or activities or sports or academics etc. does not
necessarily mean no.1 in front of God, and it definitely does not mean that you
are happy.

Failure in things is a part of life, and it's o.k. to fail in anything, you can
learn from it and no one's perfect. If you ever lose the 4.0 average or an
election or a good friend or a competition..it doesnt mean that you are any
worse or worthless. It's o.k. to lose things once in a while, it's ok not to be
perfect, it's ok not to be on top, it's ok to have bad times and to sometimes
feel lonely.

what is NOT OK is to be unhappy because you want to be at the top and you can't
have the position, or to waste your life just trying to fight all sorts of
challenges that you don't need to fight.

i want to point out that when you talk about the people who love you are care
about you or will be upset when you die.. moataz, NONE OF THEM DO SO because of
your grades or your achievements or any of that.

people like you because of your sense of humor, your seriousness, your ability
to listen as well as speak, your ideal views, your integrity, your self-respect,
your courage when it comes to situations that take energy, whether for yourself
or others... NONE OF WHICH ARE THINGS YOU STRESSED IN YOUR SITE. Even your
parents, who give you such a hard time about your grades, i'm SURE that if you
didnt succeed in something, they will still love you just as much.

the theme of religion is, however, important. if you have a good neyya with
every step you take in your life then isa you will be rewarded (i know you think
about this, which is good)

i also do not understand what is the purpose of having a site about your self.
do many people do that? and why? to get penpals or get boyfriends or why? the
concept seems kind of strange to me, i've never heard of it before... is this
typical of the web? if it is something normal i would just like to say "a3outhy
billah min kilmit 'ana'" and that isa when people start focusing on others more
than themselves which is a problem in this capitalistic society, then maybe the
world will be a better place isa.

in conclusion, moataz, i think you need to reassess your values, desires, goals,
and important issues in life. personally i think you are doing a great job msa,
and your challenging personality is great msa, but what seems like success is
not always truly sucess.

personally, i gave up getting high scores in academics for what i felt was a
bigger challenge: to fight against social injustice and to create a better
place.
instead of doing homework i would rather go to Abbesseya hospital and fight
against the nurses who are beating the patients until they bleed; making that
one day better for that patient is more important than getting a good grade.
rather than attend classes i went to jails, delinquent places, mental retarded
places, orphaneges, AIDs patients, leprosy patients... anyone and anywhere that
people were suffering and NO ONE was willing to take the courage to help.
instead of doing stupid papers at AUC i wrote proposals and fought to change
policies.
rather than reading academics, i wrote creative writing that Dr. Lamont
(rahimahu allah) said was the best of any undergraduate student he has seen.

I don't care that when i was in school they put me in the John Hopkins
University genious search or world-wide Math Olympiad math group or that i got
1300 on the SATs without studying or that i took college courses in 10th grade
or was the representative of Middle East in an English writing program. I don't
care that i entered AUC with 98% and with 15 extra transfer credits. I don't
care that i never scored less than an A on any exam or research paper- i lost
all the points on attendance & homework. I don't care that Dr. Ciaccio says I
wrote a research paper (50 pages) that he says "Einstien could've written this!"
or that Dr. Blanks accused me of plaigerism in Seminar because "I've never seen
an undergraduate paper like this" and then when he found that i did really write
it he said, "Mona, I'm sorry you should never have entered a university like
AUC." I don't care about how much of a "genious" all my professors keep telling
me i am, or that everyone wants me to publish stuff and i dont want to... all of
t
his is meaningless to me. I don't care about being no.1 in anything academic or
activity...

what is important for me is:
That somehow someway i fight against what is wrong with the human race and in
some way be able to relieve even one person's suffering for even one day..

this is even a bigger challenge than everything else i could have done, and this
is what i think is much much more important. I could easily have gotten straight
A's.. but it's hell even one day talking to children who are dying at the Cancer
institute or watching police beat up a man in the jail or helping a woman who is
mentally ill who is bleeding from being hit by the nurses and raped by the
doctors...

so the conclusion is..
1. everyone is different. everyone has his own measure of what is successful,
what is important. you must understand that your values shouldn't apply to
everyone else. someone who has a low GPA may be much higher than you in
something else.
2. no one is perfect, and it's ok to not be no.1
3. the people who love you do so because of your personality, not your list of
achievements or grades
4. only God can judge people, but you should still constantly judge yourself so
you can increase what is good in you and decrease what is bad.
5. if you have a good neyya isa with everything you do, then isa you will be
rewarded with being no.1 both in life and in the afterlife isa... and that is
the most important.

rabbinah yikrimak, jazak allah kheir,
and in sha' Allah
          i am sure that you will be one of the greatest people i have met in
this life
   even if its in your own way, which does not fit with my own values.

Good work, keep going, and with every step in your life think:
why am i doing this?
in front of God, is it right?
am i happy and satisfied?
how can i change my neyya so that i look better in front of Allah?

isa you will make it...

peace.


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